She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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