Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
