when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
