It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
