in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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