i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
