I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
