well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
