your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
