At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
