I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
