OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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