i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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