Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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