I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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