i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
