Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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