New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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