I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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