Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
