do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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