whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
