He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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