Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
