Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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