I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
