he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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