i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
