You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
