i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
