He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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