Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
