guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
