who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
