dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My bed smells like the plague
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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