Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
