you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
