I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
