I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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