he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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