i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
