that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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