You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
