did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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