I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
