There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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