Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
