i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
