I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
