South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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