sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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