there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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