Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
