I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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