I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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