How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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