i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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