He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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