You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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