its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
