Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
