Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
