i think my tv is drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize