Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
