I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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