Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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