when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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