Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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