i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
