i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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