we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
