I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
