I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
