Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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