It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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