I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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