Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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