The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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