but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize