youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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