Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
