I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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